persistence in failure

i am sad, miserable, despicable excuse for a human being. i believe it is pretty well established by now. i dont know how else to quantify it. it explains so much in my life so easily. i know i should not be after easy explanations. yet here they are in front of me. you shouldn't really search for answers to hard. that could be considered stubborn at best, and idiotic at worst. no, the answers are here for me to see. i am a failure. an incapable barely functional fool. i have so much now. and yet i still find a way to screw things up. the ways in which i constantly seem to aggravate the happy life that found me are so numerous. most of them preventable. it mires me in this consistent self-loathing. it's all my own doing. and so i continue to fail, i continue to feel the pain of disappointing the one i love the most. and it just continues. i can't say i'm no helpless to stop it. i try. and i fail, and i will keep trying. and just hope that i eventually succeed.